A few months ago, I came across a recommended video from Joe Rogan's podcast on YouTube. Rogan's guest, a comedian named Tom Dillon, unleashes a humorous but totally incorrect and petulant tirade about his hatred of cruise ships and people who like cruising, which is odd considering that his "evidence" for why cruising is so awful is based on his experiences of being a cruise ship performer himself. Sure, he's just a comedian saying some stupid and occasionally funny things, but this video has 2.2 Million views and has surely influenced many people's perception of cruise vacations and the people who enjoy them. I'll admit that I was a bit self-conscious of my own interest in cruising when I first listened to Dillon's rant, but many of his claims are just too stupid to take seriously. I can't possibly get into every claim he makes, and so many of them overlap, but let's debunk some of them one at a time.
Myth 1: Cruise ships are unsanitary "petri dishes"
This is one of the oldest and stupidest myths that people continue to spread about cruise ships. Cruise ships are some of the cleanest and most sanitary places you will find in the world. You can even search for health inspection reports of specific cruise ships on Google.
Myth 2: A man supposedly attempted suicide by jumping overboard, and then they "put him back on the boat" and everyone saw him in the buffet line the next day
Well, what else were they supposed to do? Leave him in the ocean? Sure, that's a pretty awkward situation, but I don't really get what the outrage here is about. It is true that suicides on cruise ships are not that uncommon. Usually when you hear on the news about someone "going overboard" on a cruise ship, it is a passenger or crew member attempting suicide. It is simply not possible to fall overboard by accident. This seems to happen a few times per year in an industry that serves millions of passengers. Again, I'm not really sure what he's outraged about here. And I'm guessing that the part about the buffet line is a dark joke, but even if not, the man needs to eat, right?
Myth 3: Cruisers are sick people and murderers
So a few murders have happened on cruise ships. So what? Millions of people travel on cruise ships each year. People also murder each other in cities and many other places. I'm not sure what he's getting at here; that all people who cruise are violent or have some kind of sick fantasies? He goes on to say that "cruise people are sick, they're sick people" which is obviously a ridiculous generalization. At first, he seems to imply that a man who killed his wife on a cruise ship got away with it and "partied at 80's night," but then later he goes on to say that he went to "cruise jail." So which is it?
Myth 4: People who go on cruise ships are low class, "animals," "fat pigs," "pig trash people," "peasants," "the lowest caliber of human being to have ever drawn a breath," and "people who just got out of prison with no money."
This obviously isn't true, but even if he is talking about people who cruise on cheaper lines like Carnival and MSC, the clientele is generally middle class. Even budget vacations are a relative luxury, and there are definitely no peasants onboard. You have to be of a certain income level to afford a cruise. Dillon himself is not a very sophisticated individual and he carries extra weight. Is he really in a position to judge others so harshly? I also find it strange that Dillon presents himself as a common "man of the people" type of guy, but he uses extremely offensive and inflammatory language to demean people who he thinks are lower class than he is. He seems to particularly have strong opinions about Carnival cruisers. There are a lot of negative stereotypes about Carnival and the people who cruise with this line. While Carnival isn't the first line I would choose to sail with, I unfortunately see a lot of elitist and classist language used by people who seem to think they are "above" Carnival. Carnival can be a great option for many people, especially families, and you shouldn't be scared off by these kinds of statements.
Myth 5: Nobody checks out books from the library, all the books are romance novels, and cruisers can't even read anyway
At this point, I really hope he's just trolling us. Cruise ships do, in fact, have libraries, but you will find a variety of books and board games in them. The libraries are probably not the busiest spot onboard, but people do definitely use them.
Myth 6: You can bring whatever you want onboard, even illegal drugs
At one point, Rogan asks Dillion what the policy is about bringing drugs onboard, and Dillon claims that you can bring whatever you want. This is definitely not true, and while some people have managed to successfully smuggle cannabis and other drugs onboard, these are anomalies. He seems to imply that cruise lines are turning a blind eye to drug smuggling, but that is simply not true. In fact, some of the recent crackdowns on poor guest behaviour and drug use by Carnival Cruise Line in particular have been quite controversial. There are numerous videos online where drug-sniffing dogs are checking passengers and their luggage in the cruise terminal before embarkation occurs, and some have found this practice to be an overreach. Their evidence for their claim that you can bring whatever you want onboard is based on one video where a man demonstrates how he snuck small bottles of liquor onboard a cruise by sticking them in his knee-high socks and taping a bag of something to his chest. This one anecdote could have ended quite badly for him if he was caught. This claim is about as intelligent as saying "you can bring whatever you want on an airplane, even guns and bombs." Sure, some people have gotten away with that, but to imply that this is a tolerated practice is absurd.
Myth 7: Cruises cost $50 (or some other absurdly low dollar amount)
I wish that were true. Cruises are one of the better values in the travel industry, but prices are currently the highest they have ever been, and even the "budget" cruise lines like Carnival have significantly hiked their prices in recent times. If you think cruises are cheap, just go and take a look at what Royal Caribbean is charging for Icon of the Seas and their newest ships. You could pay for a down payment on a house for what Royal Caribbean is charging these days.
They go on to read some prices from an advertisement that seem too good to be true, and that's exactly what they are - too good to be true. The starting price of a cruise can be very low, but that price is the base fare before taxes, port fees, and gratuities for the crew have been applied, not to mention any extra expenses such as beverage packages which come at a significant extra cost. In my home of Ontario, Canada, the travel industry is highly regulated by an organization called TICO, and it is actually a legal requirement in Ontario to display all-inclusive pricing in the interest of fairness and transparency for consumers. America doesn't seem to have these regulations, so it might be more common to come across a highly deceptive ad that says "cruises starting at $99" or some absurdly low number.
I love the fact that cruising is relatively cheap and it's something that I can afford to do even in difficult economic times, but it's not as cheap and low-class as they are implying. People who go on cruises are working professionals or retirees who have savings to draw on.
Myth 8: Cruise lines don't tolerate people who abstain from alcohol
This is perhaps the most irresponsible claim that Dillon makes. Not only are non-drinkers tolerated, but cruise lines even host Alcoholics Anonymous meetings onboard their ships. If you look through just about any cruise ship's daily program, you will see scheduled meetings called "Friends of Bill W." which is a codeword for Alcoholics Anonymous. People in this program have to continue attending their AA meetings, even while on vacation, and cruise lines are generous enough to provide the meeting space for this.
Is anything they say true?
Not much. They correctly mention that alcohol is not included in the base fare, and that this is a significant source of the cruise lines' profits. This seems to be an effective business model. Many cruisers also appreciate having a low introductory fare and then choosing what to spend extra money on. Not everyone is going to want an all-inclusive beverage package, and it's nice that cruise lines provide their customers with some flexibility here. Cruise lines earn much of their profit from beverage packages, specialty dining, onboard shopping, and the casino. This is a good thing because it keeps the entry-level fares low for everyone.
They also correctly mention that there is a "jail" on a cruise ship. Passengers who violate policies and engage in dangerous or violent behaviour could end up being confined to their stateroom or put in the "jail" until they are removed and handed over to the local authorities at the next port.
Conclusion
Are you turned off from cruising yet? You shouldn't be, and even I had a few laughs while watching the video. Remember to visit my agency website and fill out the contact form to get in touch with me if you have any questions about booking a cruise. I promise you that cruising won't be nearly as scary as Tom Dillon makes it out to be.